This episode I talk about the necessity of deep diving into our own psyche, the parts of ourselves that show up in all sorts of varying ways. Sometimes without conscious observations of our patterns we can slide right into a routine that no longer serves us. The unhealthy cyclical nature of doing things we’ve always done- dating the wrong types of people, getting defensive when conflict arises, negative self talk, engaging in toxic friendships, enabling poor behaviour from ourselves and others. You get the drift. It’s only with specific attention paid to our life choices that we can do the work to start evolving into more conscious minded individuals.
I’ve spent a portion of my younger years (I’m ageing myself here- I’m only 35) engaging with people who don’t treat me correctly, emotionally manipulative individuals, energy sucks and trying to fix/help all sorts of people in a deep state of suffering whilst copping the blows of their self hatred. Often the cruelest behaviour comes from the saddest people.
Since doing a lot of very specific work on myself through meditation, consciousness, mindful practices, somatic healing and therapy I have come to recognise where some of my past choices have stemmed from. I’ve unpacked a lot of my own childhood and teenage experiences and taken a very thorough look at all the ways in which those times have impacted the choices I’ve made as an early adult and beyond. I can recognise my tendencies, my default modes of being and I can actively work on shifting those into more positive choices and patterns. I started this work around age 26 and have enjoyed many years of going deeper in it. I feel the closest to my truest self than I ever have and I have tended to the necessary wounds so that I can go about things in a new way. It’s been liberating to say the least.
Of course the work never ends, we are ever evolving beings but I’m so grateful that I leant into the uncomfortable places so that I’m now in a space to let go of defensiveness and really see my part in things. I remember an ex partner of mine would call me ‘infallible’ during arguments and at the time I folded it into his emotionally abusive tendencies. However in reflection whilst it was certainly a very unhealthy relationship I have taken a look at his usage of that word and realise that there was a certain level of truth to his statement. I’ve softened so much since this realisation and embraced the gentler parts of myself, the sides of me that take ownership of my behaviour and take responsibility for the ways in which I am off base. I can feel my self righteousness slipping away as I grow and I’m enjoying these more open sides of myself.
If this isn’t a priority in your life, you should carve out the time to dedicate some space to it. Perhaps start with meditation, reading some books on mindfulness and/or writing out some of your past stories, delving into the times that felt challenging. Get beneath those experiences, unravel them and see where the threads lead you. You might be surprised! Stopping, taking a breath and marinating in an experience before reacting is a beautiful way of taking ownership of your choices rather than acting out of defensiveness or from a feelings state. The beauty in the pause.
Enjoy the self work and I hope this video speaks to you.
Sending love and see you for the next episode of ‘The Well’.
Teresa and Team Lovewell xx