Mark and I are definitely no experts when it comes to cultivating a healthy relationship, but we have worked very hard at having a harmonious union.
There have been periods in our relationship where things felt too hard and the doubt creeps in about whether you’ll make it through. Our lows have always been seen as an opportunity for growth and a path towards a deeper and more nourishing connection. We have been through critical periods in our relationship where we have needed couples therapy, a ton of self reflection, ownership of our patterns and a whole lot of patience with one another. These experiences all make up the fabric of our partnership and in our case without these challenges we wouldn’t have reached the level of realness and love for each other that we have with each other now.
We believe fundamental success in a partnership starts with clear, open and oftentimes vulnerable communication. To be truly revealing to one another. Our partners should be the safe place for us to land, the ones to help us emotionally regulate and to hold the space for all our stuff; ugliness and all. We should feel secure enough in our partnership to be our most intimate selves, delving into the uncomfortable parts and knowing it will all be met with compassion and care. We value total transparency and honesty even if we know it means our words may be hard to stomach. The only way forward and through is to talk, to share, to listen and then together process what comes up for you both.
Having clear boundaries as a couple is also important, what are you both okay with? What are you not? What messages do you want to share with the world about your coupling? For example, do you believe in monogamy, if so what does that look like? How do you each feel about flirtation, what feels okay and what doesn’t? come to a mutual understanding, a place of respect and tenderness for each other.
Having each other's ‘User manual’ is also an incredible tool to be able to meet your partners needs and also to diffuse tension. Does your partner crave affection and act out emotionally if they’re not feeling loved? Do they have abandonment issues? Or need help emotionally regulating after a work disappointment? What is their love language? Is it spending quality time, is it showing up for them in an act of kindness or service or is it through physical intimacy and touch? The better you know each other the more harmonious your relationship will be. It’s on the two of you to know the threads of one another so that you can be there for each other when needed.
Lastly, all relationships need real nurturing. Just like a garden needs tending to in order to thrive and grow, so does your partnership. In our ever increasingly busy lives we often have little time for self care let alone for our partners. It’s essential to dedicate quality time with each other. Schedule it if need be. Take a walk, give each other a massage, check in over dinner or go out dancing. The kids will be okay! The more you dedicate time to seeing, listening and being with your person the more fruitful your relationship will be. Deepen your love, connection and communication and as Mark and I say all the time, find opportunities to ‘level up’.
Part Two.
We believe fundamental success in a partnership starts with clear, open and oftentimes vulnerable communication. To be truly revealing to one another. Our partners should be the safe place for us to land, the ones to help us emotionally regulate and to hold the space for all our stuff; ugliness and all. We should feel secure enough in our partnership to be our most intimate selves, delving into the uncomfortable parts and knowing it will all be met with compassion and care. We value total transparency and honesty even if we know it means our words may be hard to stomach. The only way forward and through is to talk, to share, to listen and then together process what comes up for you both.
Having clear boundaries as a couple is also important, what are you both okay with? What are you not? What messages do you want to share with the world about your coupling? For example, do you believe in monogamy, if so what does that look like? How do you each feel about flirtation, what feels okay and what doesn’t? come to a mutual understanding, a place of respect and tenderness for each other.
Having each other's ‘User manual’ is also an incredible tool to be able to meet your partners needs and also to diffuse tension. Does your partner crave affection and act out emotionally if they’re not feeling loved? Do they have abandonment issues? Or need help emotionally regulating after a work disappointment? What is their love language? Is it spending quality time, is it showing up for them in an act of kindness or service or is it through physical intimacy and touch? The better you know each other the more harmonious your relationship will be. It’s on the two of you to know the threads of one another so that you can be there for each other when needed.
Lastly, all relationships need real nurturing. Just like a garden needs tending to in order to thrive and grow, so does your partnership. In our ever increasingly busy lives we often have little time for self care let alone for our partners. It’s essential to dedicate quality time with each other. Schedule it if need be. Take a walk, give each other a massage, check in over dinner or go out dancing. The kids will be okay! The more you dedicate time to seeing, listening and being with your person the more fruitful your relationship will be. Deepen your love, connection and communication and as Mark and I say all the time, find opportunities to ‘level up’.
Watch our full conversation here:
Part One.
Part One.
Part Two.
We hope you enjoyed today's episode of The Well and always love hearing your thoughts, feedback and topic suggestions so feel free to email them to us!
Until next time, we're sending all our love.
Teresa and Team Lovewell xx
lovewell.earth | @lovewell.earth
